An Average Normandy Day
by DreamerOnDrugs
Summary: You know that kind of day when just nothing workes out okay? Well that's what the average Commander Shepard goes through everyday.


**Author's notes: **YAY my first fanfic is finally done ^^. I have dyslexia and English is not my first language, don't be to hard on me for that. But if you see any mistakes please leave a review or PM so I can correct them. Well I hope you guys like the story, reviews are always appreciated.

**Edit:** No changes in the story, I just changed the main characters name, pretty useless I know but her description didn't seemed to fit with my other story, Memories of the Past. And because it was more work to change the name of the Memories of the Past character (Due the 8 or so chapters) I decided to change this one. Oh, and I won't be writing a next chapter but I will be writing more humor story's with Commander Jasmine Shepard ;)

**New Shepard's Description: **Commander Jasmine Shepard, Earthborn, Sole survivor from the thresher maw attack on Akuze, Captain of the Normandy, Savior of the Citadel but not the Council, first human Spectre and often described as humanities best biotic. Long black hair, pale skin, thin (like all female shepards are xD), bright green eyes.

* * *

**An average Normandy day**

_You know Commander, I'm not real broke up that Wrex isn't coming. I'm good with our current amount of headbutting. I'd say we're at headbutting capacity - Jeff "Joker" Moreau_

"Ehm, Commander?"

"Yes Joker?"

"Remember that time you went talking with Grunt and he.." Joker cleared his throat, "Headbutted the window?"

"Yeah"

"Remember the guy who fixed the window?"

"Yeah"

"Remember his phone number?"

Commander Jasmine Shepard rolled her bright green eyes as she exited the elevator on CIC. _Why is it, that every time one of my crew members gets frustrated we lose a window? _

"Commander, you received a new messa-"

But before she could finish her sentence she was interrupted. "Great Kelly, but I have to see Joker now" Kelly closed her mouth on instant, she looked slightly offended before she turned around and went back to her work. _Whatever the hell that is. _Shepard rushed to the cockpit. "Okay, Joker what's wrong?"

He watched her from his eye corners as she sat down in the co-pilot's chair. "First of all, I want to thank you for bringing all these psychopaths together and let them run around freely on **my** baby."

"Ah, well I do my best" she said with a smirk on her face. "So what's the problem?"

"You know, you didn't need to come up here. That earpiece you're wearing actually has a purpose, ever heard of long distance communication? It could save you the walk." Joker lifted an eyebrow at his Commander. "Yeoman made you read your messages again?"

"That's the main reason I'm here"

"Do you **ever** read **any **messages?"

"Not that I know of" She answered, trying to remain serious. "So the window?"

"Window? Oh right, I think Jack and Grunt had a little disagreement about... personal space. I'll spare you the details but it ended up in Grunt, charging at full speed towards Jack who threw a desk to his head to stop him. Grunt dodged the desk, window wasn't that lucky."

Jasmine putted her face in her hands, "Oh Great. You know, I only need two of them in my squad. Maybe I can keep two sane ones and space the rest."

"As much as I appreciate the thought of a peace an quiet ship, I don't think the crew like to be spaced."

"I guess you're right" Jasmine lifted her head to watch the stars through windows in front of her. "How many windows have been killed since we took this trip?"

"Let's see," he said as he counted his fingers. "One in the medical bay when Dr. Chakwas was drunk. Two In the science lab when Mordin's experiment failed. There was this time when Jacob was really pissed off, because of his dad and all, he threw you're sniper through the window, So that's four windows already... You're aquarium glass broke once, or twice, but that is not really a window. The big window at starboard observation broke on Horizon. All windows at the engineering deck broke when you, Miranda, Samara and Jack were trying to find out who the strongest biotic was, I must admit that I didn't expected to be you, my money was on the asari. And last but not least, the famous windows at port cargo; Grunt head butted them twice, they never stood a chance. Tali threw Legion through one of them, several times... remember me not to piss her off. And with the incident from this morning the meters stand on 24 or something, but that's just because there are 13 windows on the engineering deck that you guys broke all at once.

Shepard sighed heavily "Well at least no-- wait, who broke my aquarium?!"

"Miss Chambers, when she tried to feed your fish"

"Twice?!"

"Okay, so maybe she's a bit clumsy.." Joker started with a grin.

"The only thing you have to do is push the damn button! How can you break aquarium **twice** by just pushing one button?!"

"I don't know maybe you have to ask her"

"No thanks, if I do she makes me read the mail." The biotic rolled her eyes as she stood up. "I'd better go see the damage our most_ sensitive_ people did."

"Good luck with that Jaz! ETA is about a day and a half so you'd have enough time to figure things out."

"Thanks Joker."

Jasmine walked of the bridge, strait to the elevator. As she pressed the button she heard a voice behind her, "Commander, you have unrea-"

"--d messages at my private terminal," finished the Biotic, "yeah I know miss Chambers. I'd just have to fix a window first and talk to some people about self-control and personal space. After that and talking to my crew I may have time to read my messages." Kelly nodded, "Of course commander, here if you need me."

_Like that's likely to happen_ thought Jasmine as she entered the elevator. _Which idiot at Cerberus decided to give me an assistant? Went they just like: 'Gee, she's going on a suicide mission... Let's give her someone who brings her coffee and annoys her to dead in the little spare time she has.' And if me make this 'someone' a woman who lives in an imaginary candy-cane land and starts singing stupid happy songs at 6 A.M. it might do the trick. _

Her thoughts were interrupted by EDI's voice," Deck 3 Crew's Quarters, Crew members on this deck: Legion, Garrus, Samara, Miranda, Thane, Tali."

"Legion **and** Tali? On the same deck? This can never be good..." Jasmine said to no one in particularly as she rushed off to the AI-core. Thane and Garrus where already waiting for her in front of the med-bay.

"**We already made the geth stronger by rewriting the ones that worshipped the reapers! I won't let you endanger the fleet by giving them more information!**"

"Glad you're here, Shepard. They won't listen to us."

"**We must protect our people from the creator threat.**"

Shepard almost ran to the AI-core, Garrus and Thane right behind her. "What happened?"

This time Thane answered "I think Legion tries to send plans of attack from the flotilla to his people."

"Why does everything goes wrong on the same day?" She took a deep breath before opening the door, "Okay, what's wrong here?"

"**I caught Legion scanning my omni-tool,**" Yelled Tali, pointing her pistol at Legion, "**He's sending my data to the geth! You can't let this happen, Shepard. I trusted you, and I worked with a geth on the team, but this is too much!**"

"You need to do something Shepard," whispered Thane, "Before she kills him."

"How do you kill something that's not even alive?"

Garrus rolled his eyes "Not the time, Shepard."

"Ah right, maybe this works..." She muttered before taking a deep breath and starting her outburst. "**Look at you! Both of you! This is exactly what the Reapers want!**" everyone in the room looked at her surprised, they never heard Shepard raised her voice towards her crew "**Tali, of course the geth are worried about your people! You want to destroy them!**"

"It's not that simple!" Started Tali but she was interrupted by Jasmine, "**And Legion, what the hell were you thinking? Are you trying to undermine this entire operation?**"

"We did not intend to decrease operational efficiency"

"**We're on a mission. You can either fight at my side or get crushed under my heel. But you will not stand in my way.**" No one in the room dared to say a word. Shepard brought the back of her hand towards her head.

Legion was the first one to recover from the shock, "We will not transmit data regarding Creator plans."

Tali lowered her weapon, "Thank you Legion, I.. understand your intention. What if I gave you some non-classified data to send?"

"Great now this problem is over. And to prevent this from happening again, same rule as for Miranda and Jack, from now on one deck between the two of you." As she said this she removed her hand from her forehead and pointed to the both of them. They both nodded. "Great, now I can stop the fighting between Grunt and Jack." She said with a sigh as she slowly walked back to the elevator.

"You sound tired, Shepard."

"I guess I am, don't get much time to sleep when my crew is trying to behead each other."

"I can talk to Grunt if you want to." Garrus offered.

"No, it's my job right?" She turned around and said with a smirk on her face. "It's just another average Normandy day." She pushed the elevator button, when the doors closed Jasmine saw Garrus and Thane walking off in two different directions.

_These elevators suck. _

_The ones on the Normandy SR-1 where faster than light compared to this one. _

_That is probably the ugliest door I've ever seen. _

_Hate this elevator music. _

_Why can't the crew when they get frustrated just, you know, kill the elevator. I know I would. _

"Deck 4 Engineering, Crew members on this deck: Jack, Grunt, Zaeed.

_Why did I put all the crazy people on the same deck? That's just asking for trouble_.

She went through the door on the left, where she ran into Grunt and Jack, apparently in another disagreement. "Okay I think I know a solution," Jack thought this would be a good moment to through the chair she was holding with her biotics, but Shepard dodged it easily. "So from now on," She continued, "One deck between the two of you."

"Oh no... I'm staying right here, bitch!"

Shepard rolled her eyes, "Right, well new solution: you two may only be in the same room with supervision." She saw they both wanted to argue this so she continued. "Look, I know you both don't like this but were on the same side here and we're **not** supposed to fight each other. And to be honest, I'm in an **really** bad mood today and I won't be bothered if Joker spaced you both. I don't know if you survive that and I honestly don't really care. So just shut up and go to your own part of the ship while I go read my messages from the past two and a half year." _Even though I really doubt that someone wants to send a message to a dead person._ "Oh, and Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I want you to get that desk you threw down there and fix that window, I know there are four others left but I like the Normandy with all windows in its place."

_Again in the elevator... _

_Maybe I need to give it a new color? _

_To keep the moral of the crew high? _

_Yeah, Yellow maybe? Or orange? _

_This thing soo needs new elevator music... _

_Or a door with a window... _

"Deck 2 Combat Information Center, Crew members on this deck: Jacob, Mordin, Garrus, Thane, Tali."

_Well at least they're not fighting anymore._

"Commander, you have received a new message at your private terminal."

"Thanks Kelly," She said with her most pleasant smile. "I'll read them immediately." Kelly looked like she saw water burn when she walked over to her terminal.

_It looks more like the laptop I used to have back on Earth._

_Over a hundred unread messages?!_

_Great, guess I'm a popular dead person, bit like Elvis._

Jasmine sighed heavily, and she could have sworn she heard Kelly giggle next to her.

_Well, just starting from the bottom. _

She started reading the messages, most of them where thanks-for-saving-my-ass-notes and there were a couple messages from Joker about filing mission reports, nothing important though, not filing reports to Cerberus is actually a great idea cuz it's pissing of all the right people. There was a very disturbing message from some guy she accidently released from prison he wrote something like that he would carve her name in his next victim.

_Well I had to release him, too bad Jack went not entirely psycho and that son of a bitch is still alive._

She scrolled over to the more recent ones. This one even had her name on it.

_Shepard,_

_I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizo-_

She slammed the laptop screen down. Everyone on deck looked at her to see where the noise was coming from. That bastard! First telling me I'm a traitor and then trying to apologize in an **email**? Her hands and arms started to produce blue sparkles, she wasn't angry, hell she was furious. And still she felted like she was going to cry. From the corner of her eye she saw Tali, Thane, Garrus and Kelly walking towards her, all with an worried look in their eyes. She didn't want to speak to them, she didn't want to risk they see her cry. She grabbed the terminal from her desk and walked as fast as she could to the stairs in the back of the Normandy, nobody ever used them. The air was way to dry and hot, the stairs were small, the walls where narrow. She could walk normal, but most people had to walk almost diagonal.

_I'll bet Grunt and Garrus get stuck if they try to walk here. _

_I think I would like to see that._

She heard footsteps behind her that she recognized as Thane's.

_That would make sense, he doesn't wear that big armor as the rest of them and Tali can't take the heat in her suit._

She jumped the last stairs, landing safely with her biotics. Thane wasn't that fast, he needed to walk slightly diagonal, so that would slow him down a little. As she walked even faster than before she threw the terminal up in the air and hold it before her with her biotics. She entered Port Cargo where she saw Jack still working on her attempt to make the glass with her biotics. She and Grunt looked slightly surprised to see her. Jasmine was still pushing the terminal forward with her biotic power. She stopped walking in the middle of the Port and turned her face to one of the, still intact, windows.

"Shepard, what's wrong?" Thane had finally found her.

Jasmine's arms where bright blue now, the terminal was spinning in front of her. Suddenly the terminal shoot forward, with enormous force right through one of the windows.

"Nothing," she said as she looked at Thane, her voice sounded... relieved. "It's just an average Normandy day"

She turned around and faced Jack, "So, how 'bout plastic windows?"


End file.
